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punkhip wasteland

May. 18th, 2011 | 09:32 pm
mood: deviousdevious

I'd dreamed on the first day
of drinking at bars in Wicker Park
living some punk dream running
2am down the street
in the dark

I would spend my youth along the way
happily living in cramped quarters
like a rock star foreigner
pampered in the prozac nation
nightmare forced into domestication

The city soon haunts the hearts of men
the small room stuffed with dreams
halts the will to spread wings

White clouds arranged around the room
a pure reminder of the sky
I'd used the whitest cleanest rags
tampered with their tattered tags
just to keep them dry

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understanding in many shades

May. 10th, 2011 | 03:56 pm
music: Regina Spektor- "Laughing with"

I now understand darkness.
I now understand silence.
I now understand 0.

It is the potential of what is there.
It is my job to work to reveal it.
It is in the pain this causes that makes me grow.
It is in that growth that I become what God intended.

Be that light
Be that voice
Be that space that fills 0
Full Circle baby
everything comes full circle

So cross those T's
Dot those I's
Fill in those black holes with glitter
light immaculate.

I now understand darkness.
I now understand silence.
I now understand 0.

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Mickey's eighties poppers

Apr. 30th, 2011 | 06:05 pm
music: Take on Me

Drinking mickey's while Aha's "Take on Me" plays on repeat, eating my favorite poppers and waiting for hair dye to dry. As life goes on, songs gain new meanings. Its like what my Dad said about having to listen to every album he owned again just because he got new speakers. Everything is new with a new perspective. Once I broke my foot dancing and I couldn't be on the eighth grade volleyball team :(. But all of a sudden I appreciated life so much more, and couldn't wait to do all the things I couldn't do. Now I appreciate having two working feet. Bad things happen to make you appreciate what you have. My car has broken down many times in my life, and the only thing I could think while I stood there on the road waiting for the tow truck was how comfortable and pleasant it was to sit behind the wheel of a working car, and be in power to get to work on time. Little things. I make a difference in people's lives now. :) That makes me feel so good. So many good times in my life that I can truly appreciate. ;)

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This girl I work with..

Mar. 14th, 2011 | 11:22 pm

It has taken most of my 20's for me to realize how right I have been about those little feelings I have had. I have an instinct that I have ignored and am now facing. Hearing people's words and giving them the benefit of the doubt, because it was what I wanted to hear. That is not me anymore. I would much rather know the truth. I'm not willing to let that go. So seriously, anyone who has ever tried to pull the wool over my eyes, for all those people out there who get off on making someone else miserable, it all comes back around. That girl I work with.. every time I hear you talking shit, I know why. I am secretly flattered anytime I hear someone make comments about me under their breath. I threaten their confidence, and they have to come back with. ?!? something ?!? ha. I'm just glad I can move outside of my comfort zone without becoming uncomfortable. I'm glad I can give someone else praise without it making me feel like I'm not good enough. Those people who are always keeping score, and can never truly find the peace within them, well, I hope they find their way.

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Shelter From the Storm- Bob Dylan

Mar. 5th, 2011 | 04:26 pm

Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form
"Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

And if I pass this way again, you can rest assured
I'll always do my best for her, on that I give my word
In a world of steel-eyed death, and men who are fighting to be warm
"Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

Not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involved
Everything up to that point had been left unresolved
Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm
"Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

I was burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hail
Poisoned in the bushes an' blown out on the trail
Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn
"Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

Suddenly I turned around and she was standin' there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns
"Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

Now there's a wall between us, somethin' there's been lost
I took too much for granted, got my signals crossed
Just to think that it all began on an uneventful morn
"Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

Well, the deputy walks on hard nails and the preacher rides a mount
But nothing really matters much, it's doom alone that counts
And the one-eyed undertaker, he blows a futile horn
"Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

I've heard newborn babies wailin' like a mournin' dove
And old men with broken teeth stranded without love
Do I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn?
"Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

In a little hilltop village, they gambled for my clothes
I bargained for salvation an' they gave me a lethal dose
I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn
"Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

Well, I'm livin' in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the line
Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine
If I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born
"Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

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visualization

Mar. 1st, 2011 | 03:42 pm
music: Jason Mraz

I have a student whose dad is in jail, and regularily has to see his mother getting abused by his older brother. This breaks my heart. You can see his face when he witnesses violence at school (as we normally do), and you know that he is visualizing his home situation. I am helpless. So is he. We all perpetuate situations, repeat them in our heads, go over them, analyze them. Memory is a powerful tool. Thats why they say ignorance is bliss. Not knowing means not thinking or feeling about what we don't know. In a way it sounds good, but I am much too curious. If a closet was stuffed to the brim, and opening it means that everything is going to fall out, well guess what. I would open it anyway. I just want to know what is in there. Some may call this stupidity. I call it curiosity. :)

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catharsis

Mar. 1st, 2011 | 10:22 am
mood: crushedcrushed

It has been a long time since I have written on this, but I really enjoy the catharsis of it all. I have done so much growing up since my dad passed away. and you know what? It almost needed to happen like this. Man those painful growing pains.

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take 2

Nov. 14th, 2010 | 03:42 pm

I have been really into learning strange covers like Madonna and Lady Gaga and playing them on the guitar. Music genres are so limiting. Its the details that make a song fit into a category. Format has a lot to do with it too, whether you can play a song for 20 minurtes or if it has to be exactly the same 4 minute thing each time says a lot about the versatility of the artist and the song. I enjoy what jam bands do, but even that can get boring of they don't change it up. Freedom is cool if you know how to use it. Even DJs have a lot of choices to make in music, and when they don't use them, they stay ordinary and unnoticable. Sometimes people look for something that sounds like something else, because that is what record companies put out there, they know that it will sell. Music is the risk, but all those suits back there don't like taking a risk. Art and money are on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

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